Actress-turned-reality TV star Tori Spelling fears her recent health battle will negatively affect her relationship with her one-year-old daughter because she spent so much time in the hospital following her birth.
Spelling fell pregnant with newborn baby Finn just one month after giving birth to her third child Hattie last October (11) and just weeks later, the 39 year old was diagnosed with a rare blood condition, which forced her to carry out the remainder of her term on bed rest at Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre in Los Angeles - miles away from her family.
And the former Beverly Hills, 90210 star confesses she missed many important bonding moments with her little girl - since she was so focused on her health.
She tells Us Weekly magazine, "I basically missed the first year of her life. I'll be trying to make it up to her forever. She spoke her first word - 'dada' - when I was away, and she started crawling. She would visit, but I couldn't hold her. I still can't because of my latest surgery (to repair my burst C-section scar).
"I haven't held her on my own since she was five months old. I'm constantly worried about what our relationship will be like. Even now, if she falls, it's (my husband) Dean (MCDermott) she reaches for, not me. She doesn't even know me."
The busy mum is also devastated about having to skip her son Liam's preschool graduation and daughter Stella's birthday party.
She adds, "I missed two huge moments: Liam's preschool graduation and Stella's fourth birthday party... A week before, Stella sat on my bed, looking at me and said, 'Mamma, you're not going to make it to my birthday are you?' And then she started crying... Liam was Ok; he's more of a dude. But, for me, it was heartbreaking... I watched it on Dean's FaceTime (camera phone application) from the hospital, just sobbing uncontrollably."