U.S. reality TV star Tila Tequila was so distraught after the death of her fiancee Casey Johnson last week (beg04Jan10) her therapist put her on "suicide watch".
Tequila has been vilified in the media for opening up about her feelings for her tragic lover via social networking website Twitter.com, but now she reveals she was not in her right mind.
The model/singer admits she really struggled with her partner's death in the days following the tragedy.
She tells People magazine, "It really hit me when I found all the cards she had written me. My therapist put me on suicide watch.
"I've been getting help but I'm fine now. I know Casey wants me to be alive and she hates seeing me like this. She always hated it when she would see me cry."
Tequila, real name Tila Nguyen, and socialite Johnson had been engaged for a month and were planning to start a family together.
The reality TV reveals she and Johnson were fighting the heiress' family for custody of her adopted daughter, Ava.
She adds, "I was going to adopt Ava and we decided she would call her Mommy and me Mommy T. We were going to have a big family. She wanted seven children, but she said she wanted me to be the pregnant one. We were so excited about starting a new life together."