The 34-year-old professional wrestler was due to marry John when she broke off their engagement in April just weeks before the big day, and has now said ''being in the limelight'' took its toll on their relationship as she was left feeling as though she was a different person on camera as opposed to when the pair were in private.
Speaking in a preview clip for Sunday's (03.06.18) episode of 'Total Bellas', Nikki said: ''It's being in the limelight and having social media and all these things I started to feel like here's Nikki Bella and here's Nicole. When I first started being on reality TV and all this stuff, I was me. And then I was told, 'Don't talk like this, don't be this.' What I started to realise over the years is, like, especially with the movement that's going on, [it] has made me finally feel like I can speak out about it.
''So Nikki's slogan is 'Fearless Nikki,' but is Nicole 'Fearless Nicole?' I have to say for a while she wasn't, until recently. Once I used my voice, and even though it brought some sadness, I feel like I'm finally 'Fearless Nicole.'''
Nikki also admitted she's starting to feel more like herself following her split from 41-year-old John, as she says she ''lost herself'' toward the end of their relationship.
She added: ''There's just no answer overnight to know what I can live with, what I'll regret. I just feel super confused and I miss him more than anything in this world. I wasn't feeling alive anymore. I wasn't feeling like me, and I just kind of became a 'yes' girl. I felt like I lost myself and it has nothing to do with John, but everything to do with me.''
And her twin sister Brie noted that her sister was ''hurting really bad inside'' after breaking up with the 'Blockers' star.
She said: ''I feel like my sister is handling this breakup by keeping on a brave face, but I know she goes home and cries and I know she's hurting really bad inside.''
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