Nicola McLean contemplated suicide when her marriage fell apart.
The 35-year-old former glamour model split from soccer player Tom Williams in 2014 amid rumours he had been unfaithful and she admits at her lowest ebb, she considered taking her own life and only the thought of her sons Rocky, now 11, and Striker, six, stopped her giving in to her urges.
Nicola - who reconciled with Tom in 2015 - said: ''I definitely didn't want to live when all that was going on. Then I said to myself, 'You're a mum of two, just get on with it.' My kids pulled me through it - even on the worst days they make me laugh.''
Though Nicola and Tom have got back together and will renew their wedding vows this summer, she still won't wear her wedding ring and the pair don't discuss the issues surrounding their split.
Speaking to Closer magazine, she said ''I don't wear my ring - I won't wear it again. It represents a promise and that was broken. We don't bring up the past and I don't torture myself over it. Tom has worked on his own issues and we're looking forward to renewing our vows this summer.''
The blonde beauty - who is awaiting a date to have an operation to remove her ovaries to cure her of extreme polycystic ovary syndrome - suffers from anxiety and eating disorder bulimia but tries to keep her problems hidden from her sons.
She said: ''The boys know I have OCD tendencies and that my boobs are fake. But I won't tell them about my anorexia or bulimia as they're too young. They never see me depressed - I want them to see they have a happy mum.''