Tess Holliday wanted to ''disappear'' during her postpartum depression.

The 33-year-old model admits she found it tough after her son Bowie was born.

She told Cosmopolitan magazine: ''It felt like the water was boiling over and things were coming to the top again. I remember very vividly driving in the car with Bowie and I thought to myself, 'I wish I could just disappear. I wish I could vanish.' It felt at that point like I was causing everyone around me so much pain. It felt like a never-ending black hole. I was so tired of hurting ... I just didn't want to be here any more.''

Meanwhile, Tess was hoping to enjoy having a newborn more than she did when her first son Rylee was born.

She said: ''When I had my son, I was 20 and I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't have help. I'm really excited to be doing it again and have support, and be able to enjoy having a baby, because I couldn't last time.''

Though she already has one child, the model feels she has a lot to learn.

She added: ''Anyone who is having another child, or even their first child, is lying if they're saying they're not nervous. I am worried about my ability to detach from work, and being able to focus on my family. It's [also] been 10 years since I had a kid, so there are so many things that are new. My friends that have babies are posting all of these new swings and breastfeeding techniques and new bottles, and it's really overwhelming because I thought, 'I've already done all this,' but it feels like I haven't. I'm having to relearn a lot!''