New Order star Peter Hook wrote his memoirs in a bid to come to terms with the death of his former bandmate Ian Curtis but is still wracked with guilt over the tragedy.
The British bassist was left devastated when Joy Division frontman Curtis hanged himself in 1980 on the eve of the band's debut U.S. tour.
The group went on to find international success as New Order and Hook has now penned a book about their early days to assuage his "guilt" over Curtis' death, but admits he still feels partly responsible.
He tells rock magazine NME, "I was writing about every detail that I could remember. I thought it would be cathartic, but in the end, I realised that I'm as much to blame as everybody else. I didn't get the absolution. I didn't find out why Ian did it.
"It was cathartic in the sense that I'd succeeded in getting a history down from a band member's point of view. But it didn't give me any release from the guilt that I felt about Ian."