Mariah Carey has never felt like a superstar because her marriage to music mogul Tommy Mottola prevented her from feeling "empowered" as an artist. The Heatbreaker star has often spoken out about her five-year marriage to the former chairman of Sony Music, claiming married life with Mottola was restrictive - comparing the 58-year-old to "a strict father". And the singer, who divorced Mottola in 1998, has penned a track about the turbulent relationship for her new album E=MC². She tells U.S. magazine Parade, "I see other people who have one hit and they're already thinking they're the biggest star in the world. But I didn't feel that because of the relationship that I was in and because I think there was a concerted effort to keep me from feeling too empowered. "On my new album, the song Side Effects says, 'Kept my tears inside, 'cause I knew if I started I'd keep crying for the rest of my life.' It's really true. At that point in my life (during my marriage) I didn't cry because I had to be so emotionally cut off to deal with it." But the 38-year-old beauty blames herself for the years of torment, stating her dysfunctional upbringing made her feel as if she didn't deserve happiness - prompting her to try and make her marriage work. She explains, "I grew up with such dysfunction that I was just used to it. I assumed that I didn't have a right to be a happy in a personal life. "But I look back at it now and I feel that part of that was my fault, for allowing the relationship to linger - or, dare I say, fester - for so long."