The former My Chemical Romance guitarist and vocalist was in a serious accident in Sydney, Australia in October (16) when a van reportedly rammed into him and his crew members as they unloaded equipment from their vehicle, leaving him and one other man hospitalised. It forced him and his band, Frank Iero and the Patience, to cancel the rest of their tour dates Down Under and in the U.S. and now, almost four months down the line, the musician is still struggling to overcome the incident.

“There’s a part of me that wonders: ‘Did we actually make it through? Is this what happens when you die?’” he mused to Kerrang! magazine. “Maybe your brain keeps moving and you invent this other reality. Maybe this isn’t real and your brain is keeping going in a lifeless body. Then you think, ‘Well, it’s been however long now, regardless of whether this is real or not, it’s real for me. I’m here.’ So you have to do something with it.”

Iero, 35, also recalled how the incident has left him wary when getting into his car on a daily basis and at the beginning he found it hard to sleep at night without constantly thinking about the crash. But he does recognise the way things happened, happened for a reason and the small moves that saved his life.

“The way every little split second happened led to us surviving it,” he explained. “Opening the back of our trunk protected our heads; me bending down to get my pedalboard lodged me underneath the van’s bumper in such a way that I couldn’t get caught between (the van and the band’s bus).”