Van Helsing

"Weak"

Van Helsing Review


Mary Shelley and Bram Stoker receive zero writing credit for Stephen Sommers' lopsided Van Helsing, and you can hear the immortal authors breathing a sigh of relief from beyond the grave. The novelists' legendary creatures may receive prominent placement in Universal Studio's big-budget rollercoaster ride, but the half-baked ideas propping up the mediocre monster mash belong solely to writer/director Sommers - for better or for worse.

Van Helsing ends up as a high-concept adrenaline rush that never stops generating lesser concepts over its elongated 145-minute run time. Wheels start turning when Count Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) funds the creation of the Frankenstein monster (Shuler Hensley) to power a machine that will allow the vampire's offspring to live. The prince of darkness is trying to please his voracious brides, while the final descendent of a line of Transylvanian vampire hunters (Kate Beckinsale) is trying in vain to stake the brute before he ends her life. The wild card in this mix is Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), a hired gun with a guilty conscience working for the Catholic Church to vanquish various evil beings.

Sommers is a terrible choice to helm a special effects extravaganza. His Mummy movies made Universal some coin, but his effects work stands out for all the wrong reasons. Remember how bad it looked when Brendan Fraser raced the rising sun in The Mummy Returns? And let's not mention the laughable CGI Scorpion King from the finale of the same film. Video games boast more convincing visuals - coincidentally, you can look for a Van Helsing game in stores soon.

Nothing in Van Helsing feels quite as animatronic as the cartoon King - though an early glance at Dr. Jekyll's alter-ego, Mr. Hyde, comes close. Sommers' past success at the box office afforded him a bigger budget, which he wisely poured into expensive but impressive set designs. The town of Transylvania, Dr. Frankenstein's laboratory and Dracula's ice fortress provide memorable backdrops for Sommers' otherwise forgettable romp. Yet even here, Sommers shows little confidence in his visual ability, so he shoots the majority of his scenes in darkness, rain, or heavy snow.

Van Helsing holds deeper ambitions but marries itself to the mythology of comics, not classics. The werewolf character contributes nothing to Dracula's overall scheme, but Sommers drags him into the fray because he's a traditional Universal Studios villain. Stock horror dialogue sounds bad when barked loudly in ghastly European accents. Jackman sports a silly hat and a haircut stolen from Whitesnake's lead guitarist, but he's a disposable prop that happens to spit out the occasional one-liner.

In reality, Van Helsing owes more to Newton's first law of motion than it does to the horror classics it steals from. Objects placed in motion by the director never stop moving like energized pinballs from one elaborate setup to the next. Things move so quickly, we can't stop long enough to ask why certain events are happening. Why is Frankenstein the key to preserving Dracula's babies? Why do people continue to live in the vampire-ravaged town of Transylvania? Why did a wooden carriage burst into flames when the werewolf touched it? Oh wait, stop asking questions or you'll miss yet another CGI Van Helsing figure being thrown through yet another CGI wall.

She bites! She bites!



Van Helsing

Facts and Figures

Genre: Action/Adventure

Run time: 131 mins

In Theaters: Friday 7th May 2004

Box Office Worldwide: $300.3M

Budget: $148M

Production compaines: Universal Pictures, Sommers Company, The, Stillking Films, Carpathian Pictures

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 2 / 5

IMDB: 5.9 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Starring: as Van Helsing, as Anna Valerious, as Vladislaus Dracula, as Marishka, as Carl, as Frankenstein's Monster, as Aleera, as Velkan, as Igor, as Cardinal Jinette, as Verona, as Top Hat, as Dr. Victor Frankenstein, as Mr. Hyde (voice), Stephen Fisher as Dr. Jekyll

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Colossal Movie Review

Colossal Movie Review

It's rare to find a movie that so defiantly refuses to be put into a...

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword Movie Review

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword Movie Review

It's unlikely that Guy Ritchie could make a boring movie if he wanted to. This...

Snatched Movie Review

Snatched Movie Review

It doesn't really matter that the script for this lively action-comedy is paper thin: teaming...

Jawbone Movie Review

Jawbone Movie Review

Boxing movies aren't usually this thoughtful. Sure, there are plenty of punchy moments in the...

Whisky Galore! Movie Review

Whisky Galore! Movie Review

Scottish filmmaker Gillies MacKinnon (Hideous Kinky) remakes the 1949 Ealing comedy classic, although it's difficult...

Alien: Covenant Movie Review

Alien: Covenant Movie Review

Master filmmaker Ridley Scott is back to continue the story 10 years after the events...

The Journey (2017) Movie Review

The Journey (2017) Movie Review

A fictionalised account of real events, this drama is reminiscent of Peter Morgan's work in...

Advertisement
Sleepless Movie Review

Sleepless Movie Review

In remaking the 2011 French thriller Sleepless Night, the filmmakers have dumbed down both the...

Unlocked Movie Review

Unlocked Movie Review

By injecting a steady sense of fun, this slick but mindless action thriller both holds...

Lady Macbeth Movie Review

Lady Macbeth Movie Review

A seriously impressive feature directing debut with a star-making central performance, this period British drama...

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Movie Review

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Movie Review

It was never going to be easy to match the impact of 2014's Guardians of...

The Promise Movie Review

The Promise Movie Review

The director of Hotel Rwanda, Terry George, turns to another humanitarian horror: the systematic murder...

Their Finest Movie Review

Their Finest Movie Review

Skilfully written, directed and acted, this offbeat British period film tells a story that catches...

Unforgettable Movie Review

Unforgettable Movie Review

With heavy echoes of trashy thrillers like Fatal Attraction, this movie overcomes its painfully simplistic...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.