Vampires Suck

"Weak"

Vampires Suck Review


Every time we see a new Friedberg/Seltzer film we hope maybe they've learned something and put their skills to more creative use. But no, instead we're once again astounded that anyone gives them money to make these unfunny rehashes.

When the mopey Becca (Proske) moves back to live with her small-town sheriff dad (Bader), she feels her life can't get any worse. Her childhood friend Jacob (Riggi) is acting rather strange, and she finds herself attracted to the sullen Edward (Lanter). As three vampires (Britt, Weber and Brobst) maraud through the landscape, Becca and Edward struggle not to consummate their relationship. And when Edward runs off to hide, Jacob makes his move. Note: Yes, this is virtually the exact plot of the first two Twilight movies.

Friedberg/Seltzer are adept at vividly recreating scenes from faddishly popular films, so the potential for satire is ripe. But besides utterly random gags, they never add anything beyond the mimicry. In other words, it's efficiently made, but it lacks even the slightest hint of cleverness or wit. And since they're only aping Twilight here, their main joke is to have aching slo-mo glances and floating slo-mo leaps that are so self-conscious that they cease to be amusing.

Along the way, there are extremely brief references to other vampire franchises, but the filmmakers don't bother to weave them in at all. There are also cheap-gag references to Tiger Woods, Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga and, erm, Alice in Wonderland. And as with their other films, they often announce who or what they're lampooning to make sure we get the joke. If this were funny, we wouldn't mind. At least there are a couple of good jokes (such as Edward's Segway), but they were all in the trailer and are badly over-egged.

With the help of efficient hair and makeup, the cast is actually rather good at evoking the dreary attitudes of the original Twilight actors. The biggest irony is that these actors actually have more charisma and energy than the real things, mainly because they're not taking it all so seriously. In that sense, this stupid, pointless movie is oddly more engaging than any of the Twilight films.



Vampires Suck

Facts and Figures

Genre: Comedies

Run time: 82 mins

In Theaters: Wednesday 18th August 2010

Box Office USA: $36.7M

Box Office Worldwide: $80.5M

Budget: $20M

Distributed by: 20th Century Fox

Production compaines: 20th Century Fox

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 2 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 5%
Fresh: 4 Rotten: 84

IMDB: 3.5 / 10

Cast & Crew

Producer: Peter Safran, ,

Starring: as Jacob White, as Edward, as Becca Crane, as Daro, Bradley Dodds as Salvatore, Kelsey Ford as Iris Sullen, as Rachel, as Derric, Mike Mayhall as Nicholas, Krystal Mayo as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Nick Eversman as Jeremiah, as Fisherman Scully, as Principal Smith, Jeff Witzke as Dr. Carlton, Crista Flanagan as Eden, Zane Holtz as Alex, as Jennifer, as Frank Crane

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

Contactmusic 2017 Exclusive

New Movies

Hidden Figures Movie Review

Hidden Figures Movie Review

This film recounts such a great true story that we don't mind the fact that...

The Founder Movie Review

The Founder Movie Review

This is the story of Ray Kroc, the man who created the concept of McDonald's....

John Wick: Chapter 2 Movie Review

John Wick: Chapter 2 Movie Review

Keanu Reeves picks up his supremely efficient hitman immediately where the 2015 original left him:...

Fences Movie Review

Fences Movie Review

After winning Tony Awards on Broadway, Denzel Washington and Viola Davis reteam for a film...

The Lego Batman Movie Movie Review

The Lego Batman Movie Movie Review

A spin-off from 2014's awesome The Lego Movie, this raucously paced action-comedy is proof that...

The Space Between Us Movie Review

The Space Between Us Movie Review

While the premise of this movie makes it look like a sci-fi adventure, the truth...

Toni Erdmann Movie Review

Toni Erdmann Movie Review

On paper, the idea of a two-hour 40-minute German comedy may not seem very promising,...

Advertisement
Gold Movie Review

Gold Movie Review

Based on a true story, this lively and sometimes outrageous adventure is packed with twists...

Loving Movie Review

Loving Movie Review

While this film tackles a huge issue in the history of race relations in America,...

T2 Trainspotting Movie Review

T2 Trainspotting Movie Review

It's been 20 years since we last saw four freewheeling young junkies from Edinburgh spiral...

Hacksaw Ridge Movie Review

Hacksaw Ridge Movie Review

Based on an astounding true story, this battlefield drama mixes warm emotion with intense action...

Sing Movie Review

Sing Movie Review

The quality of the animation in this musical comedy may not be up to Pixar...

Jackie Movie Review

Jackie Movie Review

Rather than make a standard biopic about the most famous First Lady in American history,...

Split Movie Review

Split Movie Review

After a few badly received sci-fi blockbusters, M. Night Shyamalan returned to his earthier style...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.