Transporter 3

"Weak"

Transporter 3 Review


Remember the Star Trek films theory? You know, the argument that says every even-numbered entry (two, four, six, so on) in the series was great, while every odd numbered movie was mediocre to awful? Well, the Transporter franchise could soon take the place of everyone's favorite serious science fiction romp, except in this case, the conflicting criticisms would be "tolerable" and "oh no, not again." You'd figure that with this third journey into Jason Statham's six pack, we'd have something akin to a guilty pleasure. Instead, all we're offered is a director named "Olivier Megaton," and sadly, both his name and his effort is a dud.

After retiring to an isolated life in France, driver for hire Frank Martin (Statham) believes his transporting days are over. But when a man he suggested as a replacement literally winds up in his living room, expensive sports car and all, our sullen hero finds himself back behind the wheel. His mission this time around? Deliver a package to the Ukraine, in time to stop a high ranking government official from cancelling a contract with some American energy interests. Seems the U.S. wants to use the former Soviet Union as a toxic waste dumping ground, and a concerned cabinet minister wants no part of the deal. Of course, when a Western thug (Robert Knepper) kidnaps his daughter Valentina (Natalya Rudakova) and holds her hostage, it's up to Martin to step in and save the day.

If Transporter 3 looks a lot like last year's failed video game adaptation Hitman, it's not hard to see why. Both movies use the former USSR as a backdrop for some incomprehensible international intrigue, and each film forced their enigmatic hero to cart an irritating Eastern bloc tart along for eye candy. On the pro side, this third installment in Luc Besson's attempted spy update still has human hormone Statham as its lead. He's much better and more butt-kicking than any balding Olyphant. But of course, pulling everything down is the producer's-girlfriend professionalism of the incredibly freckled Ms. Rudakova. When it comes to horny hot to Trotsky babes, we'll take the oh-so-slutty Olga Kurylenko over this ginger nightmare any day.

Also working against our derivative dose of non-stop action is the filmmaking incompetence of the mysterious Olivier Megaton. While his moniker suggests something akin to a stunt spectacle apocalypse, the reality of this behind the lens pretender is too painful to endure. Every fight is filmed with that already passé shakycam effect in full force, and then Master Megaton makes matters worse by editing the sequences like he's just suffered a series of mini-strokes. What we want from a title like Transporter 3 is breakneck excitement, incredible physicality, and enough awe-inspired knuckle busting to make us forget the lack of a cohesive narrative or solid characterization. Our nuclear namesake can't even get the adrenaline right.

Elsewhere, the script by Besson and Robert Mark Kamen makes the mistake of turning Frank and Valentina's in-route conversations into dull discussions of various food stuffs and the pluses and minuses of partying. We even get a mountaintop moment of amore between the pair. Yet all we really want is cars crashing into each other, muscles flexing in full blown battles royale, and the occasional illogical set piece. (The sad excuse for the latter offered here? A ridiculous vehicle-to-the-top-of-a-moving-train trick.) Audiences who love action -- any kind of action -- are used to trudging through awkward dialogue scenes and unnecessary downtime to get to the good stuff. Leave it to Mr. Megaton and Transporter 3 to mess up that material as well.

You can drop her off anywhere.



Transporter 3

Facts and Figures

Genre: Action/Adventure

Run time: 104 mins

In Theaters: Wednesday 26th November 2008

Box Office USA: $31.3M

Box Office Worldwide: $109M

Budget: $30M

Distributed by: Lionsgate Films

Production compaines: TF1 Films Production, Grive Productions, EuropaCorp

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 2 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 37%
Fresh: 41 Rotten: 70

IMDB: 6.0 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director: Olivier Megaton

Starring: as Frank Martin, as Inspector Tarconi, as Valentina Vasilev, as Johnson, David Atrakchi as Malcom Manville, Alex Kobold as Leonid's Aide, Yann Sundberg as Flag, as Ice, Silvio Simac as Mighty Joe, Timo Dierkes as Otto

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Imperium Movie Review

Imperium Movie Review

First-time filmmaker Daniel Ragussis takes an unusual approach to this thriller. Since it's based on...

The Girl With All the Gifts Movie Review

The Girl With All the Gifts Movie Review

Like a 10-years-later follow-up to 28 Days Later, this small British thriller takes a refreshingly...

The Magnificent Seven Movie Review

The Magnificent Seven Movie Review

Director Antoine Fuqua brings his usual fascination with violence to this remake of the iconic...

Bridget Jones's Baby Movie Review

Bridget Jones's Baby Movie Review

As it's been 12 years since the last Bridget Jones movie, expectations aren't too high...

The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring Years Movie Review

The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring Years Movie Review

A-list director Ron Howard worked with the surviving Beatles to assemble this engaging documentary, which...

Blair Witch Movie Review

Blair Witch Movie Review

It's been 17 years since The Blair Witch Project shook up the cinema and created...

Anthropoid Movie Review

Anthropoid Movie Review

Outside the Czech Republic, few people know about Operation Anthropoid, a spy mission in 1943...

Advertisement
Kubo and the Two Strings Movie Review

Kubo and the Two Strings Movie Review

From Laika (The Boxtrolls), this is one of the most beautiful, sophisticated animated films in...

Captain Fantastic Movie Review

Captain Fantastic Movie Review

An offbeat comedy-drama with a timely kick, this charming family road trip takes on some...

Hell or High Water Movie Review

Hell or High Water Movie Review

Sicario screenwriter Taylor Sheridan delivers another fiercely intelligent, engaging story that maintains high suspense while...

The 9th Life of Louis Drax Movie Review

The 9th Life of Louis Drax Movie Review

With heavy overtones of Hitchcockian mystery and intrigue, this stylish thriller is the enjoyably melodramatic...

Kickboxer: Vengeance Movie Review

Kickboxer: Vengeance Movie Review

The 1989 Muay Thai action movie Kickboxer starred a young Jean-Claude Van Damme, who pops...

Julieta Movie Review

Julieta Movie Review

Iconic Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodovar is back with another powerfully complex female-centred drama, along the...

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Movie Review

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Movie Review

An astute satire of the pop music business, this raucous mock-documentary is consistently hilarious from...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.