Transporter 3

"Weak"

Transporter 3 Review


Remember the Star Trek films theory? You know, the argument that says every even-numbered entry (two, four, six, so on) in the series was great, while every odd numbered movie was mediocre to awful? Well, the Transporter franchise could soon take the place of everyone's favorite serious science fiction romp, except in this case, the conflicting criticisms would be "tolerable" and "oh no, not again." You'd figure that with this third journey into Jason Statham's six pack, we'd have something akin to a guilty pleasure. Instead, all we're offered is a director named "Olivier Megaton," and sadly, both his name and his effort is a dud.

After retiring to an isolated life in France, driver for hire Frank Martin (Statham) believes his transporting days are over. But when a man he suggested as a replacement literally winds up in his living room, expensive sports car and all, our sullen hero finds himself back behind the wheel. His mission this time around? Deliver a package to the Ukraine, in time to stop a high ranking government official from cancelling a contract with some American energy interests. Seems the U.S. wants to use the former Soviet Union as a toxic waste dumping ground, and a concerned cabinet minister wants no part of the deal. Of course, when a Western thug (Robert Knepper) kidnaps his daughter Valentina (Natalya Rudakova) and holds her hostage, it's up to Martin to step in and save the day.

If Transporter 3 looks a lot like last year's failed video game adaptation Hitman, it's not hard to see why. Both movies use the former USSR as a backdrop for some incomprehensible international intrigue, and each film forced their enigmatic hero to cart an irritating Eastern bloc tart along for eye candy. On the pro side, this third installment in Luc Besson's attempted spy update still has human hormone Statham as its lead. He's much better and more butt-kicking than any balding Olyphant. But of course, pulling everything down is the producer's-girlfriend professionalism of the incredibly freckled Ms. Rudakova. When it comes to horny hot to Trotsky babes, we'll take the oh-so-slutty Olga Kurylenko over this ginger nightmare any day.

Also working against our derivative dose of non-stop action is the filmmaking incompetence of the mysterious Olivier Megaton. While his moniker suggests something akin to a stunt spectacle apocalypse, the reality of this behind the lens pretender is too painful to endure. Every fight is filmed with that already passé shakycam effect in full force, and then Master Megaton makes matters worse by editing the sequences like he's just suffered a series of mini-strokes. What we want from a title like Transporter 3 is breakneck excitement, incredible physicality, and enough awe-inspired knuckle busting to make us forget the lack of a cohesive narrative or solid characterization. Our nuclear namesake can't even get the adrenaline right.

Elsewhere, the script by Besson and Robert Mark Kamen makes the mistake of turning Frank and Valentina's in-route conversations into dull discussions of various food stuffs and the pluses and minuses of partying. We even get a mountaintop moment of amore between the pair. Yet all we really want is cars crashing into each other, muscles flexing in full blown battles royale, and the occasional illogical set piece. (The sad excuse for the latter offered here? A ridiculous vehicle-to-the-top-of-a-moving-train trick.) Audiences who love action -- any kind of action -- are used to trudging through awkward dialogue scenes and unnecessary downtime to get to the good stuff. Leave it to Mr. Megaton and Transporter 3 to mess up that material as well.

You can drop her off anywhere.



Transporter 3

Facts and Figures

Genre: Action/Adventure

Run time: 104 mins

In Theaters: Wednesday 26th November 2008

Box Office USA: $31.3M

Box Office Worldwide: $109M

Budget: $30M

Distributed by: Lionsgate Films

Production compaines: TF1 Films Production, Grive Productions, EuropaCorp

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 2 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 37%
Fresh: 41 Rotten: 70

IMDB: 6.0 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director: Olivier Megaton

Starring: as Frank Martin, as Inspector Tarconi, as Valentina Vasilev, as Johnson, David Atrakchi as Malcom Manville, Alex Kobold as Leonid's Aide, Yann Sundberg as Flag, as Ice, Silvio Simac as Mighty Joe, Timo Dierkes as Otto

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

The Fate of the Furious Movie Review

The Fate of the Furious Movie Review

With the more dumbed-down title Fast & Furious 8 outside of North America, this overcrowded...

A Quiet Passion Movie Review

A Quiet Passion Movie Review

British writer-director Terence Davies (The Deep Blue Sea) is an expert at digging beneath the...

The Sense of an Ending Movie Review

The Sense of an Ending Movie Review

Julian Barnes' Booker Prize-winning novel is adapted into a remarkably intelligent, gently involving film anchored...

The Boss Baby Movie Review

The Boss Baby Movie Review

There isn't a lot of subtlety in this madcap animated comedy, which is more aimed...

City of Tiny Lights Movie Review

City of Tiny Lights Movie Review

After the latest incarnation of Dredd, director Pete Travis shifts gears drastically for this complex...

Going in Style Movie Review

Going in Style Movie Review

This is only technically a remake of the iconic 1979 film starring movie icons George...

Graduation Movie Review

Graduation Movie Review

Romanian filmmaker Cristian Mungiu (4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days) recounts another staggeringly detailed...

Advertisement
Ghost in the Shell Movie Review

Ghost in the Shell Movie Review

This sci-fi thriller is so visually stunning that it deserves to be mentioned in the...

Free Fire Movie Review

Free Fire Movie Review

Basically a 90-minute shoot-out, there isn't a lot to this movie. British filmmaker Ben Wheatley...

Life Movie Review

Life Movie Review

Like a mash-up of Alien and Gravity, this ripping sci-fi horror movie is very effective...

The Lost City of Z Movie Review

The Lost City of Z Movie Review

Based on a true story, it's the historical aspect of these events that holds the...

Chips Movie Review

Chips Movie Review

It's clear from the very start that this movie has little to do with the...

Beauty And The Beast Movie Review

Beauty And The Beast Movie Review

This remake of Disney's 1991 classic is remarkably faithful, using present-day digital animation effects to...

The Salesman Movie Review

The Salesman Movie Review

Iranian filmmaker Asghar Farhadi won his second Oscar with this astute drama which, like 2011's...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.