Subterano

"Bad"

Subterano Review


You can dress Tasma Walton up in a leather body suit, but that won't make her Carrie-Anne Moss. And you can put a ridiculous VR plot into Subterano, but that sure as hell won't make it The Matrix.

Esben Storm puts this VR-becomes-just-R thriller in the menacing environment of an Aussie parking garage, with (yipes!) some menacing children's toys (somehow escaped from the game universe) chasing a bunch of modern-day role-playing gamers around the ramps. Of course, CGI toys costs money, so often the robots are real kiddie toys: remote-control cars, plastic spheres strung on wire, or bouncy balls simply tossed at the cast. Maybe these are those mini-RC cars that those spam messages tell me are all the rage!

Sounds like a really lame VR game if you ask me -- it certainly makes for an uneventful movie, a man vs. machine story that doesn't even give us the crutch of having the bad guy take the form of Russell Crowe.

From the plastic-pants costuming to the ultra low-grade effects to the lack of any discernable acting talent, Subterano is nowhere near worthy of its pretty cool title and bloody-hand-reaching-up DVD cover.

Writer/director Esben Storm seems mostly to work on Australian television, and his stars don't really seem to have worked much at all (though lead Alex Dimitriades was in Ghost Ship!). Any sense of stage presence is nonexistant, the script is plodding, and the direction is simplistic. Sure, there are extremely few cinematic touches you can add when your entire movie is set in a parking garage... which would lead a cynic to wonder why you would write a screenplay which took place in one....

Subterano just isn't scary, interesting, or close to watchable. Chucky, where are you when we need you?



Subterano

Facts and Figures

Run time: 96 mins

In Theaters: Tuesday 28th January 2003

Distributed by: LionsGate Entertainment

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1.5 / 5

IMDB: 4.1 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Starring: as Conrad, as Stone, as Slick, as Cleary

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Cars 3 Movie Review

Cars 3 Movie Review

It's been six years since the last Cars movie (there were two Planes movies in...

The Beguiled Movie Review

The Beguiled Movie Review

In her inimitable loose style, Sofia Coppola remakes the 1971 Clint Eastwood movie from a...

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

The surprisingly thoughtful prequel trilogy comes to a powerful conclusion with this robust, dramatic thriller,...

It Comes At Night Movie Review

It Comes At Night Movie Review

This sharply original horror film not only approaches its premise from an unexpected angle, but...

Okja Movie Review

Okja Movie Review

As Tilda Swinton reteams with her Snowpiercer director, Korea's Bong Joon Ho, it's perhaps unsurprising...

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

This may be the third reboot of this franchise in 15 years, risking audience exhaustion,...

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Actually the fourth film in the series (don't forget the prequel Minions), this animated super-villain...

Advertisement
Baby Driver Movie Review

Baby Driver Movie Review

Wildly energetic and so cool it hurts, this action movie has been put together in...

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

There's a clear sense that this Tupac Shakur biopic is hoping to build on the...

Hampstead Movie Review

Hampstead Movie Review

Deliberately appealing to older audiences, this undemanding comedy-drama comes with a hint of social relevance...

The Book of Henry Movie Review

The Book of Henry Movie Review

Apparently, this offbeat script had been making the rounds in Hollywood for some 20 years...

Transformers: The Last Knight Movie Review

Transformers: The Last Knight Movie Review

With this fifth Transformers movie, it seems clear that Michael Bay is still trying to...

Churchill Movie Review

Churchill Movie Review

This drama about the iconic British prime minister tells a darkly personal story set over...

Gifted Movie Review

Gifted Movie Review

This is one of those films that dances right up to the edge of soapy...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.