Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

"Terrible"

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li Review


Sorry, folks -- the star of Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is not the mouth-drippingly voluptuous lead actress Kristin Kreuk. It's actually supporting actor Chris Klein, who may very well be our next Keanu Reeves. Klein must have flash-kicked himself in the brain, because his acting is so outrageously horrid and emotionally vapid he inspires unsolicited laughter. In fact, if Klein had more airtime in the movie, I might have sat through the whole thing.

That's right: I walked out (after an hour). And this is the only movie I've walked out of my entire life.

That's because Chun-Li is not an action movie. It's a God forsaken tragedy. It's a movie that reels in some of the most pathetic, failed actors in the industry just aching for people to acknowledge their existence, regardless of the highly poisonous, vastly stupid script they're regurgitating. I equate these actors to the fat, adult cats you see when visiting the pound -- the ones that eventually get adopted by a guy pretending to be an animal lover. Then, one day you see these scrappy felines at your local hole-in-the-wall pizzeria, where they've been hired to solve the rat problem.

The sheer depression I experienced when thinking about these actors -- along with my buddy Debra's pounding headache -- were enough to drive us out of the theater at the 60-minute mark. No, we couldn't stay for the remaining 36 minutes. We're morbidly curious theatergoers, but we're not martyrs.

Who knows why this movie even exists? The Street Fighter video game series peaked in the 1990s -- which is why Jean Claude Van Damme's attempt at an adaptation made sense 15 years ago (though that was also horrible). But the latest rendition is unjustifiable and wouldn't have even deserved to go straight to DVD. The reel should have been banished to an uncharted island, set ablaze by a Hadoken, and then peed on just to be safe.

The video game's "plot" was quarter-baked and childishly simple to begin with, and incredibly Chun-Li just reuses it like stale Play-Doh. When our heroine (Kreuk) is just a toddler, a tyrant named Bison (Neal McDonough) pays a visit with his posse, makes a mess of her house and presumably murders her father. Growing up, Chun-Li becomes a concert pianist (just as the Chinese stereotype says we're supposed to do at some point) but learns Bison actually kidnapped her father. So she travels to Bangkok to kick some ass.

Sounds like it could be good fun -- one of those movies so bad it comes full circle -- but it fails to follow through. Kreuk looks like a gawky, stiff ostrich when she attempts to bust out kung-fu moves. She's narrating the majority of the time, and her intellectually bankrupt sentences accompanied by her soulless dictation should spur the legalization of guns in movie theaters so you can shoot yourself with them.

Again, Klein could have been "The One" to save this movie because he was the only actor so horrible that it occasionally passed as hysterical. But alas, there was too much of the other junk piled on top of his valuable garbage. The Oracle inside me was wrong, but perhaps he'll be reborn soon.

Try tapping the B button.



Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Facts and Figures

Run time: 96 mins

In Theaters: Friday 27th February 2009

Box Office USA: $8.6M

Box Office Worldwide: $12.8M

Budget: $50M

Distributed by: 20th Century Fox

Production compaines: Hyde Park Films, Twentieth Century-Fox Film Corporation

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 18%
Fresh: 12 Rotten: 54

IMDB: 3.7 / 10

Cast & Crew

Producer: Patrick Aiello,

Starring: as Chun-Li, as Charlie Nash, as Bison, as Balrog, as Det. Maya Sunee, as Gen, as Cantana

Also starring: ,

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Dunkirk Movie Review

Dunkirk Movie Review

Britain's epic 1940 evacuation of Dunkirk has been dramatised on film before, but no one...

Killing Ground Movie Review

Killing Ground Movie Review

From Australia, this dark and edgy thriller is skilfully made by writer-director Damien Power to...

City of Ghosts Movie Review

City of Ghosts Movie Review

This award-winning documentary plays like a thriller as it traces the work of a group...

Cars 3 Movie Review

Cars 3 Movie Review

It's been six years since the last Cars movie (there were two Planes movies in...

The Beguiled Movie Review

The Beguiled Movie Review

In her inimitable loose style, Sofia Coppola remakes the 1971 Clint Eastwood movie from a...

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

The surprisingly thoughtful prequel trilogy comes to a powerful conclusion with this robust, dramatic thriller,...

It Comes At Night Movie Review

It Comes At Night Movie Review

This sharply original horror film not only approaches its premise from an unexpected angle, but...

Advertisement
Okja Movie Review

Okja Movie Review

As Tilda Swinton reteams with her Snowpiercer director, Korea's Bong Joon Ho, it's perhaps unsurprising...

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

This may be the third reboot of this franchise in 15 years, risking audience exhaustion,...

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Actually the fourth film in the series (don't forget the prequel Minions), this animated super-villain...

Baby Driver Movie Review

Baby Driver Movie Review

Wildly energetic and so cool it hurts, this action movie has been put together in...

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

There's a clear sense that this Tupac Shakur biopic is hoping to build on the...

Hampstead Movie Review

Hampstead Movie Review

Deliberately appealing to older audiences, this undemanding comedy-drama comes with a hint of social relevance...

The Book of Henry Movie Review

The Book of Henry Movie Review

Apparently, this offbeat script had been making the rounds in Hollywood for some 20 years...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.