Love Don't Cost a Thing

"Bad"

Love Don't Cost a Thing Review


Hey studio execs! I know that the economy, for lack of a better word, sucks. I know that in such unsure times it's best to bet on the movies that have been fine-tuned by the marketing department to ensnare that precious 17-25 demographic. I know that in the past few years you've figured out you can make more money off of a bunch of small, cheap, bad movies than off of one big, expensive good movie. But this is December, the one month of the year that studios are supposed to be releasing their Oscar hopefuls and not trying to make high-schoolers feel better about themselves.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Love Don't Cost A Thing is the latest in stupid high school movies. Except it doesn't have a single iota of humor or charm. Not one. It ain't funny, it ain't smart, and it just ain't right.

The plot: A remake of 1987's Can't Buy Me Love gone backwards and urban, we have a desperate indie-rocker girl who pays the cool dude $1,500 to play her boyfriend for two weeks. No sex, no public making out, no makeover. Filter in the guy from Drumline (Nick Cannon) and a fine girl named Paris (bad timing, guys), and add every reference to Sean John clothing imaginable.

Every single standard of the high-school geek angst formula is there: the impossibly large and typecast school with a campus the size of Princeton and a gym the size of a large closet; the perfectly timed breakup with the perfect boyfriend; the Jim's Dad sex-crazed father (Steve Harvey, the only good part of an otherwise horrible flick). Love Don't Cost a Thing actually goes above and beyond the call of duty of teen cheese, giving us not one but two synchronized dances of large portions of the high school (and neither of them is at a dance).

We've all seen this before. Boy meets girl. Boy bribes girl to become cool. Boy becomes cool and forgets girl. Boy reminded of utter stupidity with cheap sweet gestures and the time honored "I'm just going to be myself" speech in front of the whole school. There is absolutely no reason to see it again, unless you feel the need to relive high school as if it were drawn by Stevie Wonder.

There is only one good point to Love Don't Cost a Thing. With absolutely no charm, no funny moments, and no "awwww" moments, Love Don't Cost a Thing won't go to repeat viewing on the teen-friendly TV rerun market. Not even the type of person who makes it a point to recapture their youth by watching The Breakfast Club every Saturday morning would be caught dead with a copy of Love Don't Cost a Thing. After it's out of theatres and first-run video stores, this stupid movie will be going, going, gone the hell out of our memory.

Editor's Note: It's not nearly as bad as James says it is, so give this Thing a chance on DVD. Here you'll find deleted scenes, an alternate ending, a pair of videos, and the usual making-of featurette.

Fries don't cost a thing.



Facts and Figures

Run time: 100 mins

In Theaters: Friday 12th December 2003

Box Office USA: $21.7M

Distributed by: Warner Bros.

Production compaines: Warner Bros. Pictures, Alcon Entertainment, CRML Production

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1.5 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 13%
Fresh: 9 Rotten: 63

IMDB: 4.9 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Producer: , , , Andrew A. Kosove

Starring: as Alvin Johnson, as Paris Morgan, as Clarence Johnson, as Vivian Johnson, Nichole Galicia as Yvonne Freeman, Melissa Schuman as Zoe Parks, as Kadeem, as Ted, Elimu Nelson as Dru Hilton, as Walter Colley, as Kenneth Warman, as Olivia, as Champagne Girl

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

Contactmusic 2017 Exclusive

New Movies

Life Movie Review

Life Movie Review

Like a mash-up of Alien and Gravity, this ripping sci-fi horror movie is very effective...

The Lost City of Z Movie Review

The Lost City of Z Movie Review

Based on a true story, it's the historical aspect of these events that holds the...

Chips Movie Review

Chips Movie Review

It's clear from the very start that this movie has little to do with the...

Beauty And The Beast Movie Review

Beauty And The Beast Movie Review

This remake of Disney's 1991 classic is remarkably faithful, using present-day digital animation effects to...

The Salesman Movie Review

The Salesman Movie Review

Iranian filmmaker Asghar Farhadi won his second Oscar with this astute drama which, like 2011's...

Get Out Movie Review

Get Out Movie Review

Leave it to a comedian to make one of the scariest movies in recent memory....

Personal Shopper Movie Review

Personal Shopper Movie Review

After winning a series of major awards for her role in Olivier Assayas' Clouds of...

Advertisement
Certain Women Movie Review

Certain Women Movie Review

In films like Wendy and Lucy and Meek's Cutoff, writer-director Kelly Reichardt has told sharply...

Kong: Skull Island Movie Review

Kong: Skull Island Movie Review

After the success of 2014's Godzilla reboot, the Warner Bros monsters get their own franchise,...

Viceroy's House Movie Review

Viceroy's House Movie Review

Filmmaker Gurinder Chada (Bend It Like Beckham) draws on her own family history to explore...

Trespass Against Us Movie Review

Trespass Against Us Movie Review

With an extra dose of attitude and energy, this Irish comedy-drama hits us like a...

Logan Movie Review

Logan Movie Review

Hugh Jackman returns to his signature role one last time (so he says), reuniting with...

Patriots Day Movie Review

Patriots Day Movie Review

The third time's a charm for Mark Wahlberg and director Peter Berg, who previously teamed...

A Cure for Wellness Movie Review

A Cure for Wellness Movie Review

It's no surprise that this creep-out horror thriller is packed with whizzy visual invention, since...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.