Love Don't Cost a Thing

"Bad"

Love Don't Cost a Thing Review


Hey studio execs! I know that the economy, for lack of a better word, sucks. I know that in such unsure times it's best to bet on the movies that have been fine-tuned by the marketing department to ensnare that precious 17-25 demographic. I know that in the past few years you've figured out you can make more money off of a bunch of small, cheap, bad movies than off of one big, expensive good movie. But this is December, the one month of the year that studios are supposed to be releasing their Oscar hopefuls and not trying to make high-schoolers feel better about themselves.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Love Don't Cost A Thing is the latest in stupid high school movies. Except it doesn't have a single iota of humor or charm. Not one. It ain't funny, it ain't smart, and it just ain't right.

The plot: A remake of 1987's Can't Buy Me Love gone backwards and urban, we have a desperate indie-rocker girl who pays the cool dude $1,500 to play her boyfriend for two weeks. No sex, no public making out, no makeover. Filter in the guy from Drumline (Nick Cannon) and a fine girl named Paris (bad timing, guys), and add every reference to Sean John clothing imaginable.

Every single standard of the high-school geek angst formula is there: the impossibly large and typecast school with a campus the size of Princeton and a gym the size of a large closet; the perfectly timed breakup with the perfect boyfriend; the Jim's Dad sex-crazed father (Steve Harvey, the only good part of an otherwise horrible flick). Love Don't Cost a Thing actually goes above and beyond the call of duty of teen cheese, giving us not one but two synchronized dances of large portions of the high school (and neither of them is at a dance).

We've all seen this before. Boy meets girl. Boy bribes girl to become cool. Boy becomes cool and forgets girl. Boy reminded of utter stupidity with cheap sweet gestures and the time honored "I'm just going to be myself" speech in front of the whole school. There is absolutely no reason to see it again, unless you feel the need to relive high school as if it were drawn by Stevie Wonder.

There is only one good point to Love Don't Cost a Thing. With absolutely no charm, no funny moments, and no "awwww" moments, Love Don't Cost a Thing won't go to repeat viewing on the teen-friendly TV rerun market. Not even the type of person who makes it a point to recapture their youth by watching The Breakfast Club every Saturday morning would be caught dead with a copy of Love Don't Cost a Thing. After it's out of theatres and first-run video stores, this stupid movie will be going, going, gone the hell out of our memory.

Editor's Note: It's not nearly as bad as James says it is, so give this Thing a chance on DVD. Here you'll find deleted scenes, an alternate ending, a pair of videos, and the usual making-of featurette.

Fries don't cost a thing.



Facts and Figures

Run time: 100 mins

In Theaters: Friday 12th December 2003

Box Office USA: $21.7M

Distributed by: Warner Bros.

Production compaines: Warner Bros. Pictures, Alcon Entertainment, CRML Production

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1.5 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 13%
Fresh: 9 Rotten: 63

IMDB: 4.9 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Producer: , , , Andrew A. Kosove

Starring: as Alvin Johnson, as Paris Morgan, as Clarence Johnson, as Vivian Johnson, Nichole Galicia as Yvonne Freeman, Melissa Schuman as Zoe Parks, as Kadeem, as Ted, Elimu Nelson as Dru Hilton, as Walter Colley, as Kenneth Warman, as Olivia, as Champagne Girl

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Jackie Movie Review

Jackie Movie Review

Rather than make a standard biopic about the most famous First Lady in American history,...

Split Movie Review

Split Movie Review

After a few badly received sci-fi blockbusters, M. Night Shyamalan returned to his earthier style...

xXx: Return of Xander Cage Movie Review

xXx: Return of Xander Cage Movie Review

It's been 15 years since Vin Diesel walked away from his XXX role, killing off...

Manchester by the Sea Movie Review

Manchester by the Sea Movie Review

This may not be the cheeriest movie of the season, but it's so skilfully written,...

Live By Night Movie Review

Live By Night Movie Review

Ben Affleck launched his directing career 10 years ago with his film of Dennis Lehane's...

La La Land Movie Review

La La Land Movie Review

After storming awards season with Whiplash two years ago, writer-director Damien Chazelle returns with something...

Assassin's Creed Movie Review

Assassin's Creed Movie Review

Hopes were high that this film might finally crack the curse of movies based on...

Advertisement
Silence Movie Review

Silence Movie Review

Faith is a topic Martin Scorsese can't quite shake, courting controversy with complex films like...

A Monster Calls Movie Review

A Monster Calls Movie Review

A difficult movie to market, this isn't actually the BFG-style fantasy adventure it looks like....

Monster Trucks Movie Review

Monster Trucks Movie Review

Word has it that a 4-year-old came up with the idea for this unapologetically silly...

Collateral Beauty Movie Review

Collateral Beauty Movie Review

Dramas exploring the nature of death and the true meaning of life are always in...

Paterson Movie Review

Paterson Movie Review

Unpredictable filmmaker Jim Jarmusch ricochets from his artful vampire movie Only Lovers Left Alive into...

I, Daniel Blake Movie Review

I, Daniel Blake Movie Review

At 80 years old, British filmmaker Ken Loach won his second Cannes Film Festival with...

Why Him? Movie Review

Why Him? Movie Review

Writer-director John Hamburg continues to recycle the formula that made his first hit Meet the...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.