London

"Terrible"

London Review


There are basic things that constitute a successful script by Hollywood standards. Remember, I said successful, not good or terrible, just successful. The main character must go through certain actions and must change is the most important. Also, the supporting characters must help him get through the action and eventually, have a part in the change. By these standards, London is almost a successful Hollywood script (there is a serious lack of action). But what comes as a surprise, is that a bad script is the least of director Hunter Richards' problems.

It's a cold night in Manhattan when Syd (Chris Evans) decides to attend the going-away party of ex-girlfriend London (Jessica Biel) in the large loft of a friend (Isla Fisher, completely wasted). Before getting to the party, Syd stops to see his bartender friend, Mallory (Joy Bryant), and meets up with Bateman (Jason Statham), a man with a serious amount of cocaine but who refuses to be called a dealer. With Bateman and drugs in tow, Syd hits the party, doing more drugs and doing more alcohol that Hemingway, Carver and Sid Vicious combined. Bateman and Syd hole up in the bathroom talking about everything from S&M to the Almighty, and eventually Syd gets up the guts to talk to London.

Try to ignore the fact that the film is misogynistic without even being funny, and the fact that Syd seems to be God since he takes in at least 23 snorts of cocaine (probably more), half a bottle of tequila, five beers, and a joint and yet is sober as a judge when he talks to London. Also ignore the hundreds of drunken conversations theyt have. Did I say hundreds? I meant millions. The fact that Richards decides to fix his camera on Bateman and Syd for most of the film as they spew pseudo-philosophical bile makes for a picture that is already contrived, obnoxious, and unbearably benign. Furthermore, Statham and Evans, both of whom can be good in the right film, don't have the ability to carry most of any film, especially one that relies so heavily on dialogue. The other main part of the film is flashbacks of conversations between London and Syd that fill in why they broke up. As much as I can enjoy Biel in films like Rules of Attraction, she also doesn't have the ability to really grab our attention with her dialogue talents.

For a film that is all about sex and drugs, you've got to marvel at the timid nature of this movie. There's little nudity, and the few sex scenes couldn't steam up the window in a dollhouse. The drug use, though excessive, is never really a source of conflict nor is it ever given any consequence. Above all, I've never seen a film waste talent the way this film does, especially Kelli Garner, who was exceptional in Mike Mills' Thumbsucker and is reduced to T&A jailbait here. London acts like those bullies who promise vicious beatings and when/if ever struck, they cower and later blame it on the sun in their eyes. I've seen more ferocious, and entertaining, spectacles at Raffi concerts.

Is that Egyptian cotton?



London

Facts and Figures

Run time: 92 mins

In Theaters: Friday 10th February 2006

Distributed by: Samuel Goldwyn Films

Production compaines: Silver Nitrate Films

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 14%
Fresh: 5 Rotten: 31

IMDB: 6.6 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director: Hunter Richards

Producer: Ash R. Shah, , Paul Davis-Miller

Starring: as Syd, as London, as Mallory, as Bateman, as Maya, as Rebecca, as Therapist, as Jay, as George, Lina Esco as Kelly, as Alex, as Lilly, as Michelle, John Newton as Josh, as Lauren

Also starring:

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Cars 3 Movie Review

Cars 3 Movie Review

It's been six years since the last Cars movie (there were two Planes movies in...

The Beguiled Movie Review

The Beguiled Movie Review

In her inimitable loose style, Sofia Coppola remakes the 1971 Clint Eastwood movie from a...

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

The surprisingly thoughtful prequel trilogy comes to a powerful conclusion with this robust, dramatic thriller,...

It Comes At Night Movie Review

It Comes At Night Movie Review

This sharply original horror film not only approaches its premise from an unexpected angle, but...

Okja Movie Review

Okja Movie Review

As Tilda Swinton reteams with her Snowpiercer director, Korea's Bong Joon Ho, it's perhaps unsurprising...

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

This may be the third reboot of this franchise in 15 years, risking audience exhaustion,...

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Actually the fourth film in the series (don't forget the prequel Minions), this animated super-villain...

Advertisement
Baby Driver Movie Review

Baby Driver Movie Review

Wildly energetic and so cool it hurts, this action movie has been put together in...

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

There's a clear sense that this Tupac Shakur biopic is hoping to build on the...

Hampstead Movie Review

Hampstead Movie Review

Deliberately appealing to older audiences, this undemanding comedy-drama comes with a hint of social relevance...

The Book of Henry Movie Review

The Book of Henry Movie Review

Apparently, this offbeat script had been making the rounds in Hollywood for some 20 years...

Transformers: The Last Knight Movie Review

Transformers: The Last Knight Movie Review

With this fifth Transformers movie, it seems clear that Michael Bay is still trying to...

Churchill Movie Review

Churchill Movie Review

This drama about the iconic British prime minister tells a darkly personal story set over...

Gifted Movie Review

Gifted Movie Review

This is one of those films that dances right up to the edge of soapy...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.