John Carpenter's Vampires

"Good"

John Carpenter's Vampires Review


I'm a child of the 80s. I like my horror movies, and I like them cheesy. They're not scary to me, they're excuses to get a little closer with my girlfriend, they're ways to enjoy sick comedy in the theatre while the idiot girl's getting gutted. They're my reminder that fiction is more fun than fact. I like them quick, I like them gory, and I like them campy. All of those adjectives are words you can tack on to John Carpenter's Vampires.

Now anyone who has read my review on Halloween will know that I hold this man in no reverence. To be honest, I pretty much hate the bastard. But, I do admit his prowess behind the camera and his ability to scare, although not his creative ability. But this time, he didn't pen the screenplay, so I'm happy. I don't hate his style, I hate his original material. After all, has anyone seen Jim Carrey or Pauly Shore's standup? It sucks. Are they funny people, yes.

In Vampires the Roman Catholic Church has gone beyond garlic and crosses and exorcisms as a way of fighting evil, it's headed into the dark and dismal hiring of a gun-ho team of slayers to kill the bloodsuckers. I suppose it had to be coming, after all, they are an infestation and the Catholic Church has to do something about it. Of course the people doing the slaying are more sinners than saints, but that makes 'em all the more fun to watch. We have James Woods (Contact) heading up the team with the fourth Baldwin, namely Daniel (Born on the Fourth of July) in a bit role as a vet), who spend they're days smoking cigarettes, watching Kaptain Kangaroo, and kicking the shit out of vampires. Of course, vampire Master Valek (Thomas Ian Griffith) kills all of the slaying team except for Jimmy and Danny, and only bites Sheryl Lee (Twin Peaks) (but he's biting her on the inner thigh, hell, I'd do that).

So, while Little Ms. Wrapped In Plastic is growing fangs they use a telepathic link to track the Master Vampire down, hopefully before he can get a cross that would let him walk in daylight. But, about him walking in daylight, I wouldn't be too worried: you'd spot him a mile away.

It's got blood, it's got guts, it's got campfire humor and sinful psychosis. It's only a matter of time before it's declared a sacrilege. So did I like it? Do ya really have to ask?



Facts and Figures

Budget: $20M

Production compaines: Film Office, JVC Entertainment Networks, Largo Entertainment, Spooky Tooth Productions, Storm King Productions

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 3 / 5

Cast & Crew

Director:

Producer:

Starring: as Jack Crow, as Montoya, as Katrina, as Jan Valek, as Kardinal Alba, as Father Adam Guiteau, as Catlin, Gregory Sierra as Father Giovanni, as David Deyo, Thomas Rosales, Jr. as Ortega, Clarke Coleman as Davis, Mark Sivertsen as Highway Patrolman

Also starring: ,

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

Contactmusic 2017 Exclusive

New Movies

Hidden Figures Movie Review

Hidden Figures Movie Review

This film recounts such a great true story that we don't mind the fact that...

The Founder Movie Review

The Founder Movie Review

This is the story of Ray Kroc, the man who created the concept of McDonald's....

John Wick: Chapter 2 Movie Review

John Wick: Chapter 2 Movie Review

Keanu Reeves picks up his supremely efficient hitman immediately where the 2015 original left him:...

Fences Movie Review

Fences Movie Review

After winning Tony Awards on Broadway, Denzel Washington and Viola Davis reteam for a film...

The Lego Batman Movie Movie Review

The Lego Batman Movie Movie Review

A spin-off from 2014's awesome The Lego Movie, this raucously paced action-comedy is proof that...

The Space Between Us Movie Review

The Space Between Us Movie Review

While the premise of this movie makes it look like a sci-fi adventure, the truth...

Toni Erdmann Movie Review

Toni Erdmann Movie Review

On paper, the idea of a two-hour 40-minute German comedy may not seem very promising,...

Advertisement
Gold Movie Review

Gold Movie Review

Based on a true story, this lively and sometimes outrageous adventure is packed with twists...

Loving Movie Review

Loving Movie Review

While this film tackles a huge issue in the history of race relations in America,...

T2 Trainspotting Movie Review

T2 Trainspotting Movie Review

It's been 20 years since we last saw four freewheeling young junkies from Edinburgh spiral...

Hacksaw Ridge Movie Review

Hacksaw Ridge Movie Review

Based on an astounding true story, this battlefield drama mixes warm emotion with intense action...

Sing Movie Review

Sing Movie Review

The quality of the animation in this musical comedy may not be up to Pixar...

Jackie Movie Review

Jackie Movie Review

Rather than make a standard biopic about the most famous First Lady in American history,...

Split Movie Review

Split Movie Review

After a few badly received sci-fi blockbusters, M. Night Shyamalan returned to his earthier style...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.