Are We There Yet?

"Terrible"

Are We There Yet? Review


Watching Ice Cube in Are We There Yet?, I developed a new admiration for him. He's disarming and affable, and has a mischievous smile that let's us know he's having fun the whole time. But try as he may, Cube can't save this movie, in which he also served as a producer. That would be like emptying a flood area by using thimbles.

The awfulness of this movie is boundless. The scatological humor in the movie is already legendary, offering the big three: farting, peeing, and puking. The underage heroes are so reprehensible, I was nearly overcome with joy when they discovered their beloved father with another woman. Cube's character seeks counsel from a talking Satchel Paige bobble head, which is, well... adjectives fail me.

Let's just start with the plot, which has Oregonian entrepreneur Cube falling in love with a gorgeous single mom (Nia Long). However, Cube is skeptical, because he hates kids, comparing them to cockroaches. The sparks begin to fly when he offers her a ride to work, but he soon enters the dreaded "friend zone."

Looking to get out, he agrees to take her two kids, Lindsey (Aleisha Allen) and Kevin (Philip Bolden) from Portland to Vancouver after she gets into a jam. The children, who are devoted to their departed dad, make it known very quickly that their mom's friend is not wanted. What starts as a simple plane ride, becomes a romper room version of Midnight Run, complete with misadventures, misunderstandings, and irreparable damage to Cube's cherry SUV.

Kids will love this movie. Director Brian Levant (Jingle All the Way, another turkey) knows what they want. Their peers get to wreak havoc on an adult, and get to see said adult later reach out for the kids' affection. Throw in potty humor, backtalk, and rudderless goofiness, and this is their movie of the year so far. (Yeah, we're only three weeks in, but expect the title to be held for awhile.)

Are We There Yet? inspired feelings in me that I usually reserve for international dictators and TV entertainment reporters. The kids whine and cackle and are presented without any redeeming qualities by the movie's four screenwriters. In the opening sequence, one of Long's dates gets pummeled, courtesy of an elaborate device rigged by the kids. It's supposed to be a triumphant scene, but the poor guy nearly gets killed. Why does he deserve this? And how does mom not notice her kids hooking up something so elaborate?

A family film (it's rated PG) should have kid characters whose actions parents don't need to spend two hours dissuading their own kids from following. Are We There Yet? could inspire a whole conference. And adults shouldn't have to sit through a movie that, aside from Cube's character, doesn't have a single character with a functioning cerebrum.

Watch at your own risk.

Is it over yet?



Are We There Yet?

Facts and Figures

Run time: 95 mins

In Theaters: Friday 21st January 2005

Box Office USA: $82.3M

Budget: $32M

Distributed by: Sony Pictures

Production compaines: Columbia Pictures, Revolution Studios, Cube Vision

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 11%
Fresh: 13 Rotten: 103

IMDB: 4.5 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Starring: as Nick Persons, as Suzanne Kingston, as Lindsey Kingston, as Kevin Kingston, as Marty, as Al

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Movie Review

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Movie Review

After the thunderous reception for J.J. Abrams' Episode VII: The Force Awakens two years ago,...

Daddy's Home 2 Movie Review

Daddy's Home 2 Movie Review

Like the 2015 original, this comedy plays merrily with cliches to tell a silly story...

The Man Who Invented Christmas Movie Review

The Man Who Invented Christmas Movie Review

There's a somewhat contrived jauntiness to this blending of fact and fiction that may leave...

Ferdinand Movie Review

Ferdinand Movie Review

This animated comedy adventure is based on the beloved children's book, which was published in...

Brigsby Bear Movie Review

Brigsby Bear Movie Review

Director Dave McCary makes a superb feature debut with this offbeat black comedy, which explores...

Battle of the Sexes Movie Review

Battle of the Sexes Movie Review

A dramatisation of the real-life clash between tennis icons Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs,...

Shot Caller Movie Review

Shot Caller Movie Review

There isn't much subtlety to this prison thriller, but it's edgy enough to hold the...

Advertisement
The Disaster Artist Movie Review

The Disaster Artist Movie Review

A hilariously outrageous story based on real events, this film recounts the making of the...

Stronger Movie Review

Stronger Movie Review

Based on a true story about the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, this looks like one...

Only the Brave Movie Review

Only the Brave Movie Review

Based on a genuinely moving true story, this film undercuts the realism by pushing its...

Wonder Movie Review

Wonder Movie Review

This film may be based on RJ Palacio's fictional bestseller, but it approaches its story...

Happy End  Movie Review

Happy End Movie Review

Austrian auteur Michael Haneke isn't known for his light touch, but rather for hard-hitting, award-winning...

Patti Cake$ Movie Review

Patti Cake$ Movie Review

Seemingly from out of nowhere, this film generates perhaps the biggest smile of any movie...

The Limehouse Golem Movie Review

The Limehouse Golem Movie Review

A Victorian thriller with rather heavy echoes of Jack the Ripper, this film struggles to...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.