Are We There Yet?

"Terrible"

Are We There Yet? Review


Watching Ice Cube in Are We There Yet?, I developed a new admiration for him. He's disarming and affable, and has a mischievous smile that let's us know he's having fun the whole time. But try as he may, Cube can't save this movie, in which he also served as a producer. That would be like emptying a flood area by using thimbles.

The awfulness of this movie is boundless. The scatological humor in the movie is already legendary, offering the big three: farting, peeing, and puking. The underage heroes are so reprehensible, I was nearly overcome with joy when they discovered their beloved father with another woman. Cube's character seeks counsel from a talking Satchel Paige bobble head, which is, well... adjectives fail me.

Let's just start with the plot, which has Oregonian entrepreneur Cube falling in love with a gorgeous single mom (Nia Long). However, Cube is skeptical, because he hates kids, comparing them to cockroaches. The sparks begin to fly when he offers her a ride to work, but he soon enters the dreaded "friend zone."

Looking to get out, he agrees to take her two kids, Lindsey (Aleisha Allen) and Kevin (Philip Bolden) from Portland to Vancouver after she gets into a jam. The children, who are devoted to their departed dad, make it known very quickly that their mom's friend is not wanted. What starts as a simple plane ride, becomes a romper room version of Midnight Run, complete with misadventures, misunderstandings, and irreparable damage to Cube's cherry SUV.

Kids will love this movie. Director Brian Levant (Jingle All the Way, another turkey) knows what they want. Their peers get to wreak havoc on an adult, and get to see said adult later reach out for the kids' affection. Throw in potty humor, backtalk, and rudderless goofiness, and this is their movie of the year so far. (Yeah, we're only three weeks in, but expect the title to be held for awhile.)

Are We There Yet? inspired feelings in me that I usually reserve for international dictators and TV entertainment reporters. The kids whine and cackle and are presented without any redeeming qualities by the movie's four screenwriters. In the opening sequence, one of Long's dates gets pummeled, courtesy of an elaborate device rigged by the kids. It's supposed to be a triumphant scene, but the poor guy nearly gets killed. Why does he deserve this? And how does mom not notice her kids hooking up something so elaborate?

A family film (it's rated PG) should have kid characters whose actions parents don't need to spend two hours dissuading their own kids from following. Are We There Yet? could inspire a whole conference. And adults shouldn't have to sit through a movie that, aside from Cube's character, doesn't have a single character with a functioning cerebrum.

Watch at your own risk.

Is it over yet?



Are We There Yet?

Facts and Figures

Run time: 95 mins

In Theaters: Friday 21st January 2005

Box Office USA: $82.3M

Budget: $32M

Distributed by: Sony Pictures

Production compaines: Columbia Pictures, Revolution Studios, Cube Vision

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 11%
Fresh: 13 Rotten: 103

IMDB: 4.5 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Starring: as Nick Persons, as Suzanne Kingston, as Lindsey Kingston, as Kevin Kingston, as Marty, as Al

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Cars 3 Movie Review

Cars 3 Movie Review

It's been six years since the last Cars movie (there were two Planes movies in...

The Beguiled Movie Review

The Beguiled Movie Review

In her inimitable loose style, Sofia Coppola remakes the 1971 Clint Eastwood movie from a...

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Review

The surprisingly thoughtful prequel trilogy comes to a powerful conclusion with this robust, dramatic thriller,...

It Comes At Night Movie Review

It Comes At Night Movie Review

This sharply original horror film not only approaches its premise from an unexpected angle, but...

Okja Movie Review

Okja Movie Review

As Tilda Swinton reteams with her Snowpiercer director, Korea's Bong Joon Ho, it's perhaps unsurprising...

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie Review

This may be the third reboot of this franchise in 15 years, risking audience exhaustion,...

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Despicable Me 3 Movie Review

Actually the fourth film in the series (don't forget the prequel Minions), this animated super-villain...

Advertisement
Baby Driver Movie Review

Baby Driver Movie Review

Wildly energetic and so cool it hurts, this action movie has been put together in...

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

All Eyez On Me Movie Review

There's a clear sense that this Tupac Shakur biopic is hoping to build on the...

Hampstead Movie Review

Hampstead Movie Review

Deliberately appealing to older audiences, this undemanding comedy-drama comes with a hint of social relevance...

The Book of Henry Movie Review

The Book of Henry Movie Review

Apparently, this offbeat script had been making the rounds in Hollywood for some 20 years...

Transformers: The Last Knight Movie Review

Transformers: The Last Knight Movie Review

With this fifth Transformers movie, it seems clear that Michael Bay is still trying to...

Churchill Movie Review

Churchill Movie Review

This drama about the iconic British prime minister tells a darkly personal story set over...

Gifted Movie Review

Gifted Movie Review

This is one of those films that dances right up to the edge of soapy...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.