Alone In The Dark

"Terrible"

Alone In The Dark Review


In October 2003, Uwe Boll directed House of the Dead, easily one of the worst movies I've seen in the last five years. Fewer than two years later, Boll brings us Alone in the Dark, with a cast of recognizable, albeit fading stars (Tara Reid, Christian Slater, Stephen Dorff), and a nationwide release.

This is like getting a promotion after setting the boss's desk on fire. How does this happen?

Again, Boll (who has a doctorate in literature) has a video game as his source material. This time, he doesn't insert clips from the game in every available frame, which earns Alone in the Dark points. The movie follows the efforts of a "paranormal investigator" (Slater) in investigating the havoc being wreaked by the spirits of an ancient civilization.

I think that's what it was. Trying to rehash this plot is like trying to describe a Jackson Pollock painting while drunk. In Alone in the Dark, there are at least three separate plotlines that Boll throws out on the audience, hoping they'll be too distracted to notice that none of them actually connects.

Plot 1 has a deranged museum curator unearthing a tomb from an ancient civilization, which leads to some spirit being released. Plot 2 has a group of orphans, who were subject to said curator's bizarre experiments, becoming zombies out to kill Slater's character, who somehow escaped experimentation 20 years ago. Plot 3 has the curator going crazy and dispatching a host of spirits/goblins/natives to the orphanage.

While our heads spin like tops, we're given more information -- artifacts found all over the world, humans that are built as killing machines -- while trying to connect the lengthy introductory narration to the events. Seriously, there's so much material, Boll could have snuck in Natalie Portman's deleted nude scenes from Closer and I wouldn't have noticed. Way too much effort is asked of the audience, making what should be a fun movie a chore.

Emphasis on "should." The boredom factor remains firmly in place throughout, despite attempts to rouse us. Action scenes are filmed in tight frames or in the dark so you can't follow anything except the flash of bullets, and random characters we don't care about get extensive time facing off with apparitions/zombies/goblins. As with House of the Dead, three screenwriters can't create one compelling character. Not that it would make much of a difference. Reid, Dorff, and Slater act as if they're convinced their paychecks from the studio will bounce.

Alone in the Dark is still an improvement on House of the Dead. How you interpret that news depends on several things: Especially if you're a studio executive.

The DVD includes a trivia track (yes!), two making-of documentaries, and commentary from Boll (double yes!).

You'll be alone in the theater.



Alone In The Dark

Facts and Figures

Run time: 96 mins

In Theaters: Friday 28th January 2005

Box Office USA: $5.1M

Box Office Worldwide: $8.2M

Budget: $20M

Distributed by: Lions Gate

Production compaines: Infogrames Entertainment, Boll Kino Beteiligungs GmbH & Co. KG, Herold Productions, Brightlight Pictures

Reviews

Contactmusic.com: 1 / 5

Rotten Tomatoes: 1%
Fresh: 1 Rotten: 116

IMDB: 2.3 / 10

Cast & Crew

Director:

Producer:

Starring: as Edward Carnby, as Aline Cedrac, as Richard Burke, Frank C. Turner as Sam Fischer, as Prof. Lionel Hudgens, as Agent Miles, as Captain Chernick (as Mark Atcheson), Darren Shahlavi as John Dillon, as Sister Clara, Craig Bruhnanski as 80's Sheriff (as Craig Brunanski), Kwesi Ameyaw as Deputy Adams, Dustyn Arthurs as Young Edward, Catherine Lough Haggquist as Krash, Ed Anders as James Pinkerton, Brad Turner as Beat Cop

Contactmusic


Links



Advertisement

New Movies

Imperium Movie Review

Imperium Movie Review

First-time filmmaker Daniel Ragussis takes an unusual approach to this thriller. Since it's based on...

The Girl With All the Gifts Movie Review

The Girl With All the Gifts Movie Review

Like a 10-years-later follow-up to 28 Days Later, this small British thriller takes a refreshingly...

The Magnificent Seven Movie Review

The Magnificent Seven Movie Review

Director Antoine Fuqua brings his usual fascination with violence to this remake of the iconic...

Bridget Jones's Baby Movie Review

Bridget Jones's Baby Movie Review

As it's been 12 years since the last Bridget Jones movie, expectations aren't too high...

The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring Years Movie Review

The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring Years Movie Review

A-list director Ron Howard worked with the surviving Beatles to assemble this engaging documentary, which...

Blair Witch Movie Review

Blair Witch Movie Review

It's been 17 years since The Blair Witch Project shook up the cinema and created...

Anthropoid Movie Review

Anthropoid Movie Review

Outside the Czech Republic, few people know about Operation Anthropoid, a spy mission in 1943...

Advertisement
Kubo and the Two Strings Movie Review

Kubo and the Two Strings Movie Review

From Laika (The Boxtrolls), this is one of the most beautiful, sophisticated animated films in...

Captain Fantastic Movie Review

Captain Fantastic Movie Review

An offbeat comedy-drama with a timely kick, this charming family road trip takes on some...

Hell or High Water Movie Review

Hell or High Water Movie Review

Sicario screenwriter Taylor Sheridan delivers another fiercely intelligent, engaging story that maintains high suspense while...

The 9th Life of Louis Drax Movie Review

The 9th Life of Louis Drax Movie Review

With heavy overtones of Hitchcockian mystery and intrigue, this stylish thriller is the enjoyably melodramatic...

Kickboxer: Vengeance Movie Review

Kickboxer: Vengeance Movie Review

The 1989 Muay Thai action movie Kickboxer starred a young Jean-Claude Van Damme, who pops...

Julieta Movie Review

Julieta Movie Review

Iconic Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodovar is back with another powerfully complex female-centred drama, along the...

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Movie Review

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Movie Review

An astute satire of the pop music business, this raucous mock-documentary is consistently hilarious from...

Advertisement
Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews
                musicians & bands in the news
                  actors & filmmakers in the news
                    celebrities in the news

                      Go Back in Time using our News archive to see what happened on a particular day in the past.