Corinne Bailey Rae is slowly recovering from the devastation of losing her husband - but admits she is "surprised" when she feels happy.
The British soul singer stepped out of the spotlight after 31-year-old saxophonist Jason Rae was found dead in Leeds, England in March 2008. Cocaine and ecstasy were found in his blood.
She has recently revealed she couldn't even listen to music or try and record new material after the tragedy, because she was so consumed by grief.
But although the singer insists happiness sometimes leaks into her life, the emotion still seems foreign.
She tells Britain's Observer, "It's strange for me (being happy), because I had this bereavement. I have periods where I feel intense sadness and times where I find myself happy.
"I'm almost surprised by happiness - it's a new thing that's creeping back into my life after a long period of total barrenness."