Adele is afraid to have another child because of the postpartum depression she suffered after giving birth to her son Angelo.
The Hello singer goes back and forth about adding to her family with partner Simon Konecki and in October (16), she told fans at one of her concerts she really wanted to get pregnant again.
However, in the new issue of Vanity Fair, she reveals her postpartum depression was so bad it scared her, and she is not sure if she can go through it again.
"I had really bad postpartum depression after I had my son, and it frightened me," she says.
Adele did not take medication for the issue and was reluctant to talk to a professional about what she was experiencing. Instead, she found solace in talking to other mothers.
"My boyfriend said I should talk to other women who were pregnant, and I said, 'F**k that, I ain't hanging around with a f**king bunch of mothers (sic),'" she tells the publication. "Then, without realising it, I was gravitating towards pregnant women and other women with children, because I found they're a bit more patient. You'll be talking to someone, but you're not really listening, because you're so f**king tired."
"My friends who didn't have kids would get annoyed with me," she continues. "Whereas I knew I could just sit there and chat absolute mush with my friends who had children, and we wouldn't judge each other. One day I said to a friend, 'I f**king hate this,' and she just burst into tears and said, 'I f**king hate this, too.' And it was done. It lifted."
The 28-year-old also explains it was difficult for her to figure out what she was experiencing after Angelo's birth because she had a different idea about what postpartum depression was.
"My knowledge of postpartum-or post-natal, as we call it in England, is that you don't want to be with your child; you're worried you might hurt your child; you're worried you weren't doing a good job," she explains. "But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like I'd made the worst decision of my life... It can come in many different forms."
And eventually she decided to give herself some time to spend alone to help her cope with what she was going through.
"I just said, I'm going to give myself an afternoon a week, just to do whatever the f**k I want without my baby," she says. "A friend of mine said, 'Really? Don't you feel bad?' I said, 'I do, but not as bad as I'd feel if I didn't do it.' Four of my friends felt the same way I did, and everyone was too embarrassed to talk about it; they thought everyone would think they were a bad mom, and it's not the case. It makes you a better mom if you give yourself a better time."